Companionship- Beyond Friendship

Companionship

There could be some or I would rather say many such days when you feel that your that one time best friend is no more interested in you.

We meet them suddenly in our lives as office colleague, neighbor, college buddy, Gym buddy and many more categories. We become too close friends, share, laugh, cry together, we also promise we will keep in touch all through our lives but there comes a point of time when  things changes .

The extreme closeness gradually shifts to meeting once in a week then once in 15 days, daily texting, sharing, to one time long chat in week  to just forwards,  to rare hi hello, and "whats going on" messages.

My case was not as bad as exposed above but yes I met her at my new job almost 4 years back. We clicked and became friends. We started feeling comfortable with each others company, sharing secrets, all kind of personal and professional issues, we giggled, cried, laughed together, clicked loads of pictures together in fact were famous for "clicking girls" in our office. There is hardly any occasion which we have not enjoyed together with tremendous enthusiasm, yes that was something which kept us going for each other always. We were inspired motivated by each other. Even being a diverse in few things we always cherished, admired and silently followed the good things of each other (Yes we did, if she reads this, she will definitely smile with her heart ) We also loved and hated few things in each other but we were open with no cover. Best part was things were genuine between us.

The day came when she left the job.

We still are good friends, we often meet. Finally one of those days came between us as well when I was missing her badly but there was no initiative from her end since last few days. Because of busy lives the frequency of interactions, meetings, sharing decreased same like the way I narrated above, yes  I too was undergoing the same emotion.

Was that a show off of emotions? Or just a short-term association whom i took too emotionally and still on with it where as the other person is not? Loads of such thoughts crossing my mind. I wasn't thinking that wrongly for her but I was upset.

I wished to say talk, share so much with her but I guess she was busy so even I avoided disturbing her or to be honest the major reasons of my ignorance was making an excuse to myself that “Jab who busy hai toh main bhi toh hu types” (We females are typical, we suppress our natural emotions at times and it makes me laugh when i talk to myself)

That day I simply texted her that I was feeling low and in evening I found her down my office to pick me for a cup of coffee at our customary hangout joint. I was excited and the moment I saw her, I couldn't stop hugging her,she knew ,I am loaded, loaded of emotions and sharings.

What followed next changed my definition of just  being friends.

We spent almost 2 hours together with non stop talks, coffees, we didn't realize the time.

Its not about a deep secret or frustration which was shared (as we are well aware of each others daily lives and happenings) but trust me it was merely the simple talking and sharing’s, the togetherness, the responses, the reactions,the listening, the genuine involvement with each other which we enjoyed. I relived my old days with her.

All my doubts and resentments vanished after that evening.

When I was dropped, we both silently discovered that its not about meeting and maintaining the friendship or being friends was important to us,  the most important thing  which made us comfortable with each other always was our  amazing “Companionship”, something which is beyond friendship. 

We all have loads of good friends but not every friend will be our companion. I am proud to have her in my life and I am sure wherever we go in our lives the "not able to keep in touch regularly" thing can never effect our “Companionship”

So just Dont overlook or misunderstand a friend just because he/she is not able to meet you or  keep in touch regularly but  you still feel you forget the world when you meet him/her.

Think over it....there must be very few:-) 

While walking back home i changed my dp (and so did she) with our latest photo together with my status which said "Few people can never be replaced. As always, loved your company" 

(I know this will bring a big smile on her face, thanks buddy)

“Ultimately the best bond whether in friendship, marriage or any relationship is a true Companionship”

God Luck! Stay Blessed - J

.

Rain - Open your hands

Rain - Open your hands

Here comes my favorite season again , like every year , Rains!!!  …but there is a difference. A huge difference.  Back then I never had to worry about where will i dry my washed clothes now??? Lol…

The first rain of monsoon this year in my city, I was delighted as always, it brought a broad smile on my face, my emotions started jumping like a kid, I just wanted to get drenched and dirty, wanted to splash the water with my feet, drink the rain droplets and much more the list of wishes is endless but I couldn't.. The reasons are unknown , unknown to all of us. we don’t even want to know and explore them. 

 But then something I saw answered my question and in fact will answer your questions too…. Interesting isn’t?

Obviously it was a chaos outside due to heavy down pour. People were returning/driving back home, leaving offices on time fearing to get stuck in rain, traffic jam, dirt all around, getting wet. Though all wanted it to rain but still, at offices, at parking, in traffic jams, on bus stops, in shops I noticed people talking expressing their resentment on the rain, i would rather say the timings of the rain.

People cribbing about the traffic jam, one lady was displaying irritation via her expression on her spoiled silk sari…lol. A professional just returning from office was more worried about his office files getting wet, he was murmuring “ yeh baarish ko bhi abhi aana tha”. A house wife juggling with a sabji wala saying “ hain hain bhaiya aap to baarish ka fayda uthaoge hee” (that was hilarious trust me!!)

Few office colleges discussing about who will drop whom , how to get adjusted in one small I10 car just to avoid getting drenched.  While waiting for the bus, 2 married working females condemning the sudden shower from god just about getting late and then fulfilling demands of husbands which obviously will be of having a full plate of Pakodas with chai.. hahaha… Frustrating expression on peoples face as if traffic jam is never ending..(Insaan ka bas chale to nature lo bhi apne control mein rakhe... Baarish ko schedule se aana chahiye tha bhai.. when we are free sitting at home..lol)

Everyone was in hurry to reach home…All are using their palms to make a cover above their head (I think most of us also do the same while going to office, while returning from office, market, going out to dine.. We all display such behaviors.. Yes we all turn our palms above our head to save ourselves .Yes we do… I do it too as I mentioned in the starting)

In all these various scenes doing rounds around me, I observe a father hurriedly crossing the roads with his 5 (or may be 6) years old daughter.. There was water all over,the father seemed annoyed by the rain, He was literally dragging her delicate arm … 
Away from all kind of home, office and materialistic attachments,she was carefree, carefree about getting late, or getting sick, homework, getting dirty. In fact her mouth facing the sky above to drink to taste the first rain of the season. 

And you know the amazing thing I noticed which gave me my answer to the above question???.

The difference between us and the little girl was that hers was the first delicate palm which i saw was open facing the clouds as if  welcoming each droplet from above, the same hands which we use to escape from rain.Yes the first rain of the season:-)
Did you notice the difference? Yes i did...  

Well said  "Few people feel the rain and other just simple get wet" 

Life is like a rain...whatever pours down, accept it with open hands/palms. We used to when we were kids, but now we just escape. 

I then remembered myself getting excited about the rain, weather outside in the morning used to decide our days schedule, we wished if there was no school today and even if there was there were no studies, we loved splashing water on each other.. drink the rain water,make paper  boat and have competition on whose boat is best to sail for long, to run, jump in the water filled lanes, to aim our little head exactly down any pouring pipe to experience the water jet, (I still love it:-) to avoid mothers screaming for getting into home in fear of getting cold, pulling each other,making faces and then giggle till it hurts,collecting water in small buckets on terrace,listening silently to mums scolds post the rain masti thinking (Par maja aagya,, samajh nai aatamumy ka problem kya hai, sabko sab cheez ke liye danthti rehti hai...lol...(i don't understand what is mums problem in life..and why she loves scolding everyone for everything"'loll..) :-) :-) 

There were many to stop us  but we used to take out ways to celebrate, we were kids.We had open hands/palms to invite rain, invite  life. but things change or say rather we change as we grow up.
Who is stopping us now?? but we are now too busy taking out reasons not to celebrate, We have palms but we use them to escape, escape from the rain, from life's surprises.

Rain brings out the kid within us, so just stop writing and talking cheesy and philosophical things about Rain,... let the little kid come out forever......Go out and Open your hands . It will help you even when the season is over, Think over it!

I am waiting for the next down pour for sure to meet the kid within me, i am opening my hands, forever :-)

Good luck! Stay Blessed- J

You are Amazing

Source Google images

Its Sunday, a different day, i was admiring the morning, cherishing the environment around me on my terrace, the rising sun,chirping of birds, temple bells from distant, fresh flowers on my terrace garden, the sight and feeling was wonderful.I thought - Mornings… Yeah so beautiful they are.

I feel like getting up every day and enjoy them but my day starts with a quick remembrance of God , even for just a minute but yes I do, the first thing (we quickly do is to remember god just to make sure we don’t miss out on this), followed by a quick shower and entering the most dominated area(since ages) of the house that is “Kitchen”

I pull the radio and quickly check all the stations and finally fix it on the station where a soothing morning song which I assume will make my day. lol.. Though later I get irritated when few good songs are followed by stupid loud songs and finally every day I end up switching it off in frustration  but yes, I still don’t forget to repeat this exercise every morning in hope to listen to “soothing morning songs” lol.

Quickly making the tea, chopping the vegetables, giving constant instructions to my dumb maid (all maids seems dumb to working females) Reading newspaper and tea pretending to enjoy my morning tea but finally end up shuffling pages and deciding inside everyday “ baaki ka wapas aake padhungi”. (I know all of you are giggling inside) Set up the washing machine and give irritating looks to my maid for her non stop talks even when she knows I am so damn busy but pretending to get involved with her stupid talks, not because I am realy interested but just because ,"I value my maid” and in fact  "We all do" we don’t have any other option. lol…

My door bell rings and I run to attend the press wala… slowing down the gas and take proper count of the no. of clothes , It surprises me that  in this everyday hectic morning I still don’t forget to taunt the poor guy about the untidy ironing he has done to my Kurti. lol.. I can notice his expressions every single day , must be murmuring deep inside (Females!! Females!! Bhaag yahn say before she notices something else, lol.)

Now I pack my Tiffin, clean kitchen and time to shut the stupid radio off finally with a frustrating expression. I get ready and during this whole course of getting ready giving continuous instructions to my husband on dos and don’t of the day which he quietly listen because we both know only one fourth of them will be followed at the end of the day . Huh!! Checking the doors and windows and finally stepping out of the house. I reach till parking and do hi!,  hello! kem cho!  to not less than 3 aunties of the society (after all thoda socializing bhi zaruri hai, I strongly support)  

Reaching office, would not say on time, I am always a little late no matter how hard I try to be on time. (But I am improving I have to mention) Yes office feels like a second home (It has its own interesting story to share, but some other day ) My office is fun most of the time with wonderful colleagues around and most important I enjoy and love my work. 

When the day ends my mind wanders on what to carry with me while going back home? Sabji, cosmetics, grocery? Tailor, doc and much more. I have some engagement every day post office prior to reaching home. Finally I am home to relax but you know we just keep on thinking about relaxation but we don’t give ourselves a chance to relax. Evening dinner, cleaning kitchen, preparation for next day lunch, Watching TV, reading newspaper, going for a walk and preparing the next day wardrobe… and finally on bed turning ,twisting, thinking and cribbing about what you couldn't do or finish today? Strange!! …Females!!  The amazing species.

We all look up to strong, multitask er, independent women, but there is a cost we pay behind that…..

It’s just my story. I am sure you all have your own version of a working women and will find yourself in this picture which is recently drawn in your mind.

Three out of four working women in India suffer from lifestyle, chronic or acute ailments due to the pressure from trying to balance their personal and professional lives, according to an Assocham survey. (also inspired by article by Writer Cheten bhagat in 2012)

What are we doing? What are we expecting out from ourselves? What we want to prove this world and ourselves?

We are perhaps not realizing but the modern India have come together to create a dangerous environment for working urban women. While they’re still expected to dispense their traditional duties of being a wife, mother, daughter-in-law or mother-in-law, now working women are also expected to bring in the bread. They’re expected to keep the house clean, cook and dispense other wifely duties while serving the perfect image of a cool, independent working female. Sometimes it makes me think that was the old life more easy and simple of being confined to house indoors and nothing more is expected from you? Here we are being subtly pushed to believe that we are capable of managing everything.

Don t just flow with these manipulative encouragements! Yes we can but why it is a compulsion to confirm the same all the time.Think over it!  

The advice to myself and all other are to slow down and enjoy the pleasures in life instead of proving yourself “perfect”, trust me you won’t be able to be one and still if you try all you will get in return is just endless mindless hopes all through your life.

The story above looks funny but relevant because we all somewhere live that life but more important is to get the essence out of this.

We must be proud of ourselves that still we females get involved to make fun our own species via messages, mails forwards, and videos. We agree that we mock, we cry, we are jealous, we crib, we morn but yes we also love, we care, we manage, we trust, we give, we sacrifice and the list is endless. Trust me not everyone can do this!

So stop chasing peoples dream have your own, work hard for them, be yourself. People who really love you will come find you and stay, no matter what.

You.Are.Amazing.

As. you. are.

Stronger than you know.

More beautiful than you think.

Worthier than you believe.

More loved than you can ever imagine.

Passionate about making a difference.

Fiery when protecting those you love.

Learning. Growing. 

Not alone.Warm. Giving. Generous.

Quirky. Sexy. Funny. 

Smart.Flawed. Whole.

Scared. Brave.

And so, so, so.much.more.

Be Strong. Be Confident.

Don’t Juggle, Don’t Prove,

Just Be You. 

Source Tia Sparkles Singh, 2011 

Goodluck Stay Blessed -J

I Am All Yours!

It was the month of April- 2014, a warm full moon night…. Just came back from walk, refreshed and thrown myself on bed after a long tiring day…with dim light music of old 80's songs on my radio ,open windows and doors of my tenth floor room ,curtains swinging together with the wind as if trying to match their movements with the old  music in radio…la. lala… lalal… 

Trying to be normal but I wasn’t from within …Life becomes monotonous; I thought… am i fed up? I thought.what’s wrong with me?  I thought. what is upsetting me? I thought. Why are we not able to answer someone properly when asked what happened , what’s wrong with you? Getting deep and deep into my own questions finally I got the answer.

He left today for 15 days out of country. We had a very bad tiff last night.

I was upset. Very upset. I did not see him off nicely just out of my ego. I guess I was going through the phase where every thing around you seems wrong and negative. You start doubting your closest people, you are put off, you feel you are being fooled, you feel no one is able to understand you, your emotions are taken for granted, your existence is taken for granted. Many such thoughts were enjoying a ‘marathon’ inside me. Nothing seemed positive to me.I was so much engrossed in anger that I could have decided anything stupid at that moment and yes to be honest had decided few things already in mind."He wasn't mine now, i assumed strongly .

I tried to calm down and comforted myself with cushion and picked up my diary and sat down to write …. Nothing was crossing my mind; I had nothing to write on....i tried but finally shut it down and went to keep it back to the book shelf. I got this small paper note folded written by him saying “Just don’t write anything in your diary today I know you won’t be able to. Chill, I am sorry”

My expressions changed, I felt something comforting me deep inside, (may be my ego sat down and said see finally he realized) still I felt that’s not enough I have thousands of his sorries with me till now but all in vain and I acted as if I am not impressed by his this gesture.

Next I opened my cupboard to take out my office wear for the next day (yes I do have that typical habit of being a scheduled disciplined working female, which has always irritated him, but I never cared) I found a note on the top of my clothes again by him saying “time for you to choose your wardrobe for tomorrow, don’t wear anything in anger. Wear that red Kurti tomorrow, send me a selfie ,  it will surely cheer you up J”

 Now this made me smirk a bit.:-)(I guess now my ego said, 'just the way to woo you girl so just chill !'  my god heights of feminism now I realized myself)  I kept it aside neatly and my next task was to finally read something and I picked up the book named “Relationship facts”. I avoid reading any fiction book on the days I feel low, I pick up the same book every time I have a tiff just to understand more about relationships and its facts (it’s a different thing that all the facts gives you temporary flowery feeling) here you go again there was a folded paper inside the book which became an inspiration for me to share it here today.

It said “My love, you never gonna find the actual facts about our relationship in these stupid books. They are not known to anyone else in this world then us; it’s just that we take them for granted.

I know you are annoyed with me on my ignorance and casual attitude towards everything including our relationship but trust me! 

 I observe you daily (even when you feel I am engrossed in tv.) the way you arrange my things daily properly before going to bed, ask me repeatedly about what to cook next day just to make sure that  I have lunch of my choice(which irritates me a lot and I never give you proper reply) 

 I notice you daily when you stand in front of your almirah and crib about your limited clothes every night (its never enough for females the whole world knows it:-))

 I know very well that you  would pick up your diary to write something on the days when you are very happy sad or confused. 

You think I m not aware but I know its you only who kiss me several times (very carefully so that I don’t come to know about your display of love) in the morning before going to office when I am sleeping. 

You think I am ignorant but I do observe your expressions when some song is on tv whose wording connects with both of us (females …. Females… but trust me I love that. Males aren’t good in displaying them and females! It comes naturally to them)

You won’t believe but even when I am not a msg person and always get annoyed with your those forwards but I still do wait for them at least 1 or 2 lol… it keeps reminding me of you, a person in my life who would not wait to share even the simplest joy with me.

 I love when you apply new nail paint and try to catch my attention when I come back from office and I repeatedly pretend I haven’t noticed yet- lol… 

I know its only you who can bear me, excuse me with all my blunders and still care for me unconditionally (with anger without anger ...lol)

I love listening to your non stop talks and sharing’s when we are on evening walk.( if  you want you can test me I know your whole office staff virtually by now :-)  I do, yes I do, I notice many such thousand things in you every day.

I take life as it comes but you Create it , Paint it with different colors every day! 
Thanks.

Yes i really don’t care if you still think that I am the most ignorant person in our relationship because.... 

“During the most difficult times, moments of anguish and frustration many things in our relationships are often being under looked / taken lightly/under estimated by ourselves as we are too blind deaf and dumb during that moment.  Ironically those are the only reasons of binding us together in a lifelong eternal bond”

This is the fact of our relationship; promise me not to pick up that stupid book ever now and yes wipe off the tears and send me a smiling selfie right now.

And yes do i still need to confirm that "I am all yours"

With indefinite love-Urs “…..”

(Now that’s personal, cant share here)

I am lost of words to explain you further how i was feeling and experiencing deep inside but yes I just did exactly what he suggested.

At the same time the the apt song on radio caught back my attention,coincidentally our favourite song, Ek pyaar ka nagma hai maujo ki ravaani hai zindagi aur kuch bhi nahi teri meri kahani hai.....

 The words were so true i thought , I simply hugged my pillow and slept staring at the stars visible from my room window feeling extremely amazed for this beautiful “BOND”.

(i am sure you all have experienced something like this in your relationships, its just that i shared.I wont repeat the message i want to convey)

Good luck Stay Blessed-J

Bablu

He was reaching till my waist when he was standing beside me and talking non stop. His expressions and body language were of a young man as if with too much experience in short time … his untidy look  was no where making him a bit low , sad or in-confident .

His words and gestures, way of describing things which were making me relive those historic moments was something that impressed me to the core and I fell for this 14 year old orphan boy who was famous as the local guide of that small village .

Yes i was holidaying with my husband last December and we were exploring Ranthambore Fort with "bablu" who smartly caught us as soon as we stepped out of our travel cab.
It was a 250 years old  mysterious fort .It astonishes me when i think and imagine the life then. What would they wear, eat and travel and converse… how the rani would be conversing with her raja in those earlier times,  what would be their daily routine, what would they wear on daily basis… the way they would dine,have lunch.The weirdest thought out of them was "Would the ranis sleep with all the jewelry and heavy clothes she used to wear in those days" lol... (Ask us… … the first thing we do after coming back form outside is to get into our home pajamas or harems to feel comfortable …) loads of such questions crosses my mind when I hear these figures and imagine the “life then”. And I think bablu understood the intensity of my interest and as if his whole guiding pitch was to hypnotize me and take me to that world (Though I would not mind given an option of returning back to the present whenever I want .. lol..) 

Anyway, what was amazing me more was the skills of this boy who was just 14, and talked as if he has seen life more than us.. his narrations were not less than a young director who was imagining and picturising the exact flash back scenes from the past.

Even though I am a well educated working modern female still I was following him with amazed expressions on my face at 2pm in a chilled winter noon and surprisingly at places where he said “madamji … thoda dhyaan rahkhiyega aaj poonnarmasi hai , aapko unn logo ke yahan hone ka ehsaas ho sakta hai”  (Be careful you might feel the presence of those people around you as today is full moon day ).I had goosebumps….   Scary is it? No it wasn’t … I was more thrilled to listen to all that, may be effect of his style of describing things.

I had visited many historic places earlier with guides and without guides but this was my ultimate experience. Thanks to Bablu , he knew his job very well. 

Yes at first even i thought and like every other tourist was pitying  him for missing his childhood and opting for this job at such an early age because of whatever haplessness in his life.But meeting bablu i realized, he was genuinely enjoying his job which was only the thing which he learnt and inherited from his father who died when he was 7. His father was a guide and he always took bablu along with him during his job. Little bablu coudnt understand much but enjoyed the ride on his fathers shoulders. When he was left alone, bablu made this the only inherited skill into his passion and realized  that he is enjoying it more than anything else he would perhaps do to earn his living.  Yes Bablu  wanted to become a renowned guide.(A very practical and  reachable goal for his life )
He has his own set of friends, a few relatives and is studying privately as well. 

Now that was a clarity in mind of a young boy who converted the most adverse circumstances into an opportunity to rise.

As i have been always believing that we learn from each person we meet in our lives.. bablu was among one of those. I appreciated his skills and wished him all the best for his future.

Bablu seen us off till our cab and ran to catch hold of a another tourist group to take one more step towards his goal.:-) He was effective, a front runner, i thought while getting into the cab.:-)

      Goodluck , Stay Blessed- J

Farwell

Farwell

Again time for one more Farewell, one of those days to again say good bye to someone formally. It surprises me the way life makes us go through numerous emotions. Trust me this one is one of those sweetly painful feeling where you are not able to decide are you really that sad or it’s a momentarily gloomy feeling. (May be depends on our psychological proximity with that person)

We all come across so many people in our lives, our friends, neighbors, colleagues, distant relatives, and many important /unimportant people we meet on daily basis. Take a second and think right from that peon at your previous office to the servant working at your house to the grocery wala  you used to buy or may be still buy your groceries from…  the new receptionist sitting at your  doctors clinic admiring you from distant  in every 15 seconds just because you seem handsome to her and lets you in a bit earlier then others.. ( haha blushing huh...) the Barber you go to every month … and he bores you with the gossips of the area…the sabjiwali outside your house who welcomes you with a sweet smile saying “madamji bas aapke liye he yeh bhaav hai lol….  ( I am sure she must be copy pasting the same dialogue to every good looking madamji and you know it) I know you are chuckling… as you have experienced this) all of them are connected to us … and then comes the Farwell time! Last meetings … and then we never see them around us as we used to…We digest the fact or not but all of them they teach us something in life. But whenever your life takes turns the set of people around you keep on shuffling…

In my preprimary years my best friend used to be swati , I loved her to the core and vice versa and we even promised that we will always be best of the friends even when we are old !!! lol… don’t smile… that was the thinking of 2 little preschoolers.. Again my "die together promise" mentality didn’t leave me … and at the age of 12 I again made a promise to my dear colony friend in front of the colony temple of shiv bhagwaan…lol..(I know what u thinking…now that was too much of a drama… but I was a drama queen since beginning  but to be honest that age was more responsible, not me.)   But after 5 years papa got transferred to some other city and we couldn’t rather I couldn’t keep my promise. We kept in touch via letters.

 Life moves on......Farewells happen, people move on so did I, you and million others in this world. Few people who stayed for ever …? Few for few years… months …. days and yes even few hours. They all have an interesting part to play in our lives and reversal. It’s up to us to which part to remember and forget or which ones to keep cherishing all through our lives.

The the best part is each moment you spent with them is making a memory … moments getting stored the way your images get stored in your cell phones…  you delete the images you don’t wish to store and you  save and keep which are worth cherishing ( depends on the closeness with that person…) We miss them,  yes we do. you transfer them to your laptop and sometimes when you go through them there is a flash back of memories, you relive those moments..

(Unfortunately I don’t have any photo of my colony friend and mine swearing in front of the mandir….. I am sure it would be on FB by now with tagline “down the memory lane” lol….)

Dedicated to all the people I met till now in my life …. Farewells happened. Many are forgotten, some which are still alive in my subconscious mind, but few still occupy a special place in my mind and heart and very few special ones which are hard to forget and I opt not to forget them forever!! The 2 I recently bid Farwell to are from the last category. :-( So lets keep maintaining/posting memories to your  timeline. Do i need to say which time line?? ;-) 

 Miss you all:-)

“So what if the Farwell time comes, I am happy that i made memories… memories which will last forever”

Good luck! Stay blessed – J

Delightful Emotion

Photo Source: Google 

Butterflies deep down in my tummy…constant perspiration in between those pink palms of mine… fingers were as cold as if I have just stepped out of an ac coach with 16 degree temp. Periodically gulping the spit … eyeballs not making contact with anything more then a second. Feeling as if I was thirsty from years… controlling my grinning….as I was excited to the peak.

 …… I felt as if I don’t control myself I m going to drown… and I had no regret of getting drowned … in fact I was feeling happy and at the top of the world…..was lost to react … should I turn back, should I say something.. Or be silent or run away or I must just disappear instantly … (The last one was my personal favorite option I would opt if things were in my control….)

Finally I was also not spared …it struck me too….my first experience with the most debatable, controversial, sensitive and vulnerable emotion –“LOVE”.  I was proposed by the person who was my long time crush just at the age of 19.

Now you can imagine that I was in the most vulnerable state of emotion. I suppose most of us have experienced this emotion …. Once in our life time. Yes  I am no different…I think what all is said about love was all seeming true to me suddenly…a bit weird to share but I was enjoying my virtual wings… the world around me was quiet  different from the world I was  living in mentally ….

Love makes you blind but in my case I was deaf too… I would not mind anyone showering nasty words on me I would revert back with just smile back and move forward, would just kiss my mom without any reason several times a day, listening to soothing, emotional filmy songs, jotting down words in my diary every night, thinking about “life is so beautiful” and so much to achieve. I was more conscious about my looks every morning.

Other then yourself if there is this first person who comes to know about these flowery changes in you will always be your Indian mother… My mom also kept asking me weird questions which I used to ignore  to the best… and get pissed off with mum s detective behavior .But after years now somewhere I realize how accurate she was in judging me … and her intentions were all in my favor.. (We understand perhaps even more when we become parents ourselves) you actually don’t understand and digest your parent’s doubtfulness during that phase of life.

Yes, the age and its emotion really have its own different flavor. Now don’t be so inquisitive about the rest of my love story.  I am sure you are, being a reader… but it was my first love and didn’t last long…  I guess 2 -3 years… chats… email, letters, phones….long talks …. Rare secret meetings …heavy discussions about life… future… success, relationships… staying together forever and so on…

A perfect Platonic relationship…

and then a gradual reality bite till we reached a mature age level …. We realized our careers and families, their expectations were more important to us…. we tried giving a beautiful turn to the relationship i.e. “Friendship” which used to be the most unacceptable relation between a male and a female. (Now things are different) It was tough (more for me I guess then him. Could just be my assumption) but we survived it… and today we are matured individuals busy in our own lives with our loved ones.

I was lucky, love did happen again in my life but never the way it first happened. 

Perhaps that’s why it is always said… First love is first love no one can beat that feeling… Yes… I absolutely agree and ending this blog with a sweet grin on my face recalling his face

“The magic of First Love is our ignorance that it can ever end”

- Benjamin Disraeli

Goodluck! Stay blessed -J