Delightful Emotion

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Butterflies deep down in my tummy…constant perspiration in between those pink palms of mine… fingers were as cold as if I have just stepped out of an ac coach with 16 degree temp. Periodically gulping the spit … eyeballs not making contact with anything more then a second. Feeling as if I was thirsty from years… controlling my grinning….as I was excited to the peak.

 …… I felt as if I don’t control myself I m going to drown… and I had no regret of getting drowned … in fact I was feeling happy and at the top of the world…..was lost to react … should I turn back, should I say something.. Or be silent or run away or I must just disappear instantly … (The last one was my personal favorite option I would opt if things were in my control….)

Finally I was also not spared …it struck me too….my first experience with the most debatable, controversial, sensitive and vulnerable emotion –“LOVE”.  I was proposed by the person who was my long time crush just at the age of 19.

Now you can imagine that I was in the most vulnerable state of emotion. I suppose most of us have experienced this emotion …. Once in our life time. Yes  I am no different…I think what all is said about love was all seeming true to me suddenly…a bit weird to share but I was enjoying my virtual wings… the world around me was quiet  different from the world I was  living in mentally ….

Love makes you blind but in my case I was deaf too… I would not mind anyone showering nasty words on me I would revert back with just smile back and move forward, would just kiss my mom without any reason several times a day, listening to soothing, emotional filmy songs, jotting down words in my diary every night, thinking about “life is so beautiful” and so much to achieve. I was more conscious about my looks every morning.

Other then yourself if there is this first person who comes to know about these flowery changes in you will always be your Indian mother… My mom also kept asking me weird questions which I used to ignore  to the best… and get pissed off with mum s detective behavior .But after years now somewhere I realize how accurate she was in judging me … and her intentions were all in my favor.. (We understand perhaps even more when we become parents ourselves) you actually don’t understand and digest your parent’s doubtfulness during that phase of life.

Yes, the age and its emotion really have its own different flavor. Now don’t be so inquisitive about the rest of my love story.  I am sure you are, being a reader… but it was my first love and didn’t last long…  I guess 2 -3 years… chats… email, letters, phones….long talks …. Rare secret meetings …heavy discussions about life… future… success, relationships… staying together forever and so on…

A perfect Platonic relationship…

and then a gradual reality bite till we reached a mature age level …. We realized our careers and families, their expectations were more important to us…. we tried giving a beautiful turn to the relationship i.e. “Friendship” which used to be the most unacceptable relation between a male and a female. (Now things are different) It was tough (more for me I guess then him. Could just be my assumption) but we survived it… and today we are matured individuals busy in our own lives with our loved ones.

I was lucky, love did happen again in my life but never the way it first happened. 

Perhaps that’s why it is always said… First love is first love no one can beat that feeling… Yes… I absolutely agree and ending this blog with a sweet grin on my face recalling his face

“The magic of First Love is our ignorance that it can ever end”

- Benjamin Disraeli

Goodluck! Stay blessed -J