I Am All Yours!

It was the month of April- 2014, a warm full moon night…. Just came back from walk, refreshed and thrown myself on bed after a long tiring day…with dim light music of old 80's songs on my radio ,open windows and doors of my tenth floor room ,curtains swinging together with the wind as if trying to match their movements with the old  music in radio…la. lala… lalal… 

Trying to be normal but I wasn’t from within …Life becomes monotonous; I thought… am i fed up? I thought.what’s wrong with me?  I thought. what is upsetting me? I thought. Why are we not able to answer someone properly when asked what happened , what’s wrong with you? Getting deep and deep into my own questions finally I got the answer.

He left today for 15 days out of country. We had a very bad tiff last night.

I was upset. Very upset. I did not see him off nicely just out of my ego. I guess I was going through the phase where every thing around you seems wrong and negative. You start doubting your closest people, you are put off, you feel you are being fooled, you feel no one is able to understand you, your emotions are taken for granted, your existence is taken for granted. Many such thoughts were enjoying a ‘marathon’ inside me. Nothing seemed positive to me.I was so much engrossed in anger that I could have decided anything stupid at that moment and yes to be honest had decided few things already in mind."He wasn't mine now, i assumed strongly .

I tried to calm down and comforted myself with cushion and picked up my diary and sat down to write …. Nothing was crossing my mind; I had nothing to write on....i tried but finally shut it down and went to keep it back to the book shelf. I got this small paper note folded written by him saying “Just don’t write anything in your diary today I know you won’t be able to. Chill, I am sorry”

My expressions changed, I felt something comforting me deep inside, (may be my ego sat down and said see finally he realized) still I felt that’s not enough I have thousands of his sorries with me till now but all in vain and I acted as if I am not impressed by his this gesture.

Next I opened my cupboard to take out my office wear for the next day (yes I do have that typical habit of being a scheduled disciplined working female, which has always irritated him, but I never cared) I found a note on the top of my clothes again by him saying “time for you to choose your wardrobe for tomorrow, don’t wear anything in anger. Wear that red Kurti tomorrow, send me a selfie ,  it will surely cheer you up J”

 Now this made me smirk a bit.:-)(I guess now my ego said, 'just the way to woo you girl so just chill !'  my god heights of feminism now I realized myself)  I kept it aside neatly and my next task was to finally read something and I picked up the book named “Relationship facts”. I avoid reading any fiction book on the days I feel low, I pick up the same book every time I have a tiff just to understand more about relationships and its facts (it’s a different thing that all the facts gives you temporary flowery feeling) here you go again there was a folded paper inside the book which became an inspiration for me to share it here today.

It said “My love, you never gonna find the actual facts about our relationship in these stupid books. They are not known to anyone else in this world then us; it’s just that we take them for granted.

I know you are annoyed with me on my ignorance and casual attitude towards everything including our relationship but trust me! 

 I observe you daily (even when you feel I am engrossed in tv.) the way you arrange my things daily properly before going to bed, ask me repeatedly about what to cook next day just to make sure that  I have lunch of my choice(which irritates me a lot and I never give you proper reply) 

 I notice you daily when you stand in front of your almirah and crib about your limited clothes every night (its never enough for females the whole world knows it:-))

 I know very well that you  would pick up your diary to write something on the days when you are very happy sad or confused. 

You think I m not aware but I know its you only who kiss me several times (very carefully so that I don’t come to know about your display of love) in the morning before going to office when I am sleeping. 

You think I am ignorant but I do observe your expressions when some song is on tv whose wording connects with both of us (females …. Females… but trust me I love that. Males aren’t good in displaying them and females! It comes naturally to them)

You won’t believe but even when I am not a msg person and always get annoyed with your those forwards but I still do wait for them at least 1 or 2 lol… it keeps reminding me of you, a person in my life who would not wait to share even the simplest joy with me.

 I love when you apply new nail paint and try to catch my attention when I come back from office and I repeatedly pretend I haven’t noticed yet- lol… 

I know its only you who can bear me, excuse me with all my blunders and still care for me unconditionally (with anger without anger ...lol)

I love listening to your non stop talks and sharing’s when we are on evening walk.( if  you want you can test me I know your whole office staff virtually by now :-)  I do, yes I do, I notice many such thousand things in you every day.

I take life as it comes but you Create it , Paint it with different colors every day! 
Thanks.

Yes i really don’t care if you still think that I am the most ignorant person in our relationship because.... 

“During the most difficult times, moments of anguish and frustration many things in our relationships are often being under looked / taken lightly/under estimated by ourselves as we are too blind deaf and dumb during that moment.  Ironically those are the only reasons of binding us together in a lifelong eternal bond”

This is the fact of our relationship; promise me not to pick up that stupid book ever now and yes wipe off the tears and send me a smiling selfie right now.

And yes do i still need to confirm that "I am all yours"

With indefinite love-Urs “…..”

(Now that’s personal, cant share here)

I am lost of words to explain you further how i was feeling and experiencing deep inside but yes I just did exactly what he suggested.

At the same time the the apt song on radio caught back my attention,coincidentally our favourite song, Ek pyaar ka nagma hai maujo ki ravaani hai zindagi aur kuch bhi nahi teri meri kahani hai.....

 The words were so true i thought , I simply hugged my pillow and slept staring at the stars visible from my room window feeling extremely amazed for this beautiful “BOND”.

(i am sure you all have experienced something like this in your relationships, its just that i shared.I wont repeat the message i want to convey)

Good luck Stay Blessed-J